


A Certain Step Towards Falling

by dezmari



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst, Ben Organa, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Oneshot, Rey Kenobi, Romance, victorian au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9963164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dezmari/pseuds/dezmari
Summary: She had never been in love before, but she couldn’t help but think that she had discovered what heartbreak felt like. He would leave and she would watch his back as he  took her heart along with him.





	

 

 

She should be on the lookout for a husband or so they feel inclined to constantly remind her. Last of her line, surely, she didn’t want her name to end along with her. And so, they parade her repeatedly ball after ball dressed as elegantly enticing as possible in hopes to attract a suitor that will take the Kenobi heiress.

Luke, Lord Skywalker, had been like a father to her for over half her life, an old friend of the family who took her under his wing when she became orphaned. He tells her she doesn’t need to find a husband not unless she wants to, but she can also see in his eyes how he hopes she will one day meet someone that takes her breath away.

Balls are a bore to her, she would much prefer to spend the night engrossed in a book. Getting lost in its pages and escaping to its much more fantastic reality of adventure rather than stay in her own, where the most fascinating event was currently the arrival or Lord Organa and his parents.

The ball was held in honor of his and his parent’s arrival at the Skywalker Manor. Considering the importance of the occasion she decided to set aside her distaste for the event in favor of making Luke happy, he hadn’t seen his family in years.

Rey wore a midnight blue gown with long sleeves, it was modest and simple. Her hair tied up in a braid with her bangs safely tucked away behind her ears. She stood beside Lord Skywalker as his sister approached arm in arm with her husband.

Lady Leia Organa was said to be a vision, Rey couldn’t help but agree, the woman was beautiful with her silver hair and bright smile, she radiated elegance. On contrary to her, her husband at her side seemed to radiate discomfort as if finding himself out of place. She knew Han Solo was not of privileged lineage and came to be where he stands simply because he whisked away a princess, or so the gossips tell the tale.

After greeting her brother Lady Organa took Rey into a warm embrace. “It’s been too long.” She exclaimed and Rey couldn’t help but agree. “It is so good to see you, you grow more beautiful every day.”

She’s then whisked away to Han’s arms whose embrace is somewhat more rough. “How’s the daughter I never had?” She smiled at that, Rey’s always been fond of Han who visits more often than his wife.

“I am well.” She answered him withdrawing from the embrace. “So glad to see you both, how long will you be staying?” She couldn’t help the hopeful sound of her voice.

“We’re not sure, I was able to leave matters settled, but I have no idea when I’ll be needed back home.” It’s Leia who answered her and Han besides her shrugged.

“Where is Ben?” Luke asked besides her as he looked around in search of his nephew, and it is then that she took notice of the lack of his presence. Leia smiled apologetically, but it’s Han who answered him.

“You know how he is, he is either detained by unwanted company or sulking about.” He rolled his eyes.

Afterwards Han invited her to dance leaving brother and sister to catch up. She spent most of the night dancing with Han in an attempt to avoid the suitors. Han was only too happy to be of help. “Any advice?” She asked him in between songs.

“Yes, marry for love and nothing else, the union will otherwise become swiftly unbearable.” She’s not sure what to make of his words, but she took his words to heart nonetheless. Love sounded like such a pretty notion, she wondered if she would ever experience it.

After Han returned to Leia she promptly escaped from the festivities and into the, surprisingly solitary, garden. She walked through the garden taking solace in the silence. She thought she was alone as she admired the beauty of her surroundings in the moonlit night until she heard a voice speak from behind her.

“Lady Kenobi, here to grace me with your presence. I am most fortunate.” His sarcasm wasn’t lost on her, amusement danced in his dark eyes at seeing her startled.

“Lord Organa. How are you enjoying the ball?” He raised his eyebrows and from the look on his face she could tell that he clearly wasn’t. It shouldn’t surprise her to find him in the gardens alone, she knew from his parents that he was something of a loner.

“Please, call me Ben.” He offered her a mocked bow which she decided to ignore, she also didn’t offer him her name. Benjamin Organa Solo was the only son of Leia and Han, she had met him only twice, briefly and many years ago. But even though she did not personally know him very well, from their short interactions and everything she’s heard about him she had already formed her opinion of him.

Her opinion of him was a poor one, he was a conceited arrogant ass. Although she couldn’t deny him his virtues; he was said to be a great leader taking after his mother, charming when he wanted to be like his father, and she couldn’t deny the allure. He was the very epitome of tall, dark, and handsome; he was unconventionally attractive but striking all the same.

His lips spread in a smirk at her pointed silence. “Not so talkative, that’s alright we’ll have more than enough time to get to know each other.”

.

.

.

To her great relief, she hadn’t seen Lord Organa since the ball, after their encounter in the gardens they had retreated inside. She took to dancing with the suitors who couldn’t understand her lack of enthusiasm for the big ‘no’ that it was. All the while she could see Benjamin Organa, or Ben as he had insisted on being called, in the upper floor inclined against the railings looking down at the ball as if everyone was so below him.

A few days had passed and she’s had the opportunity of spending time with both Han and Leia. Han took every opportunity to train in her in the use of a sword, “An indispensable skill for any young woman, you know, to keep off the suitors.”, she’d laughed at that. Her time with Leia on the other hand was spent sipping tea and sharing conversations although she had promised to ride with her soon.

But now, everyone else seemed to be occupied in Luke’s office, discussing family matters she assumed, even Han was required so the prodigal son should have been as well. She didn’t expect to find him in the library.

He sat lazily on a wooden chair his feet reclining crossed on the table, a book in his hand. He seemed to be lost in thought and she thought he hadn’t notice her enter the room. She had no desire to see him, much less form conversation with him so she turned around to leave before being noticed.

“Ah, this is the last place I thought I’d see you.” When she turned to him he had set the book aside turning his full attention on her. She thought about ignoring him and leaving, but she refused to give him the satisfaction, instead she walked over to the shelves. Placing the book, she meant to return to its rightful place, she scanned the shelf for a title she had not yet read. “Is every member of my family too occupied for you to abduct?”

“Does it bother you that I spend time with your parents?” She asks a part of her genuinely curious. Does he view her as the intruder she sometimes feels she is?

“No, their absence stopped bothering me by the age of six.” He spoke in a matter of fact manner and Rey couldn’t help but think his statement both cruel and sad. Surely it must be hard to grow up a child with the absence of your parents; ever present, but never there. She wouldn’t know, she doesn’t remember her parents. “You’re welcomed to them.”

“You’re so cold to your parents, your family; what I wouldn’t give to have my family still with me.” She couldn’t help the reproachful tone of her voice.

“It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” She found herself glaring up at him as he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sure it looks like the perfect family from the outside, but they would have disappointed you.”

“You ungrateful…” She trailed off, trying to control her anger, trying to maintain her proper stance and not lunge at him from across the room. “You think you’re so above everyone when in fact you’re to be pitied, you could have everything and anything and you still would never ever be truly satisfied.”

She saw as his gaze hardened at her words. “Is this your opinion of me?” His eyes were dark but his lips tilt in a mock smile. Suddenly he stood, his eyes met hers before he turned his gaze to the book he had set aside. There was a moment of silence before he took the book and threw it with much more force than necessary to the other side of the room. He paused again taking a deep breath and she saw as he narrowed his eyes and in a fluid movement turned around and kicked the wooden chair he’d be sitting at, it hit a book shelf but doesn’t fall to the floor, unsatisfied he kicked it again.

After his tantrum, there was a moment of silence, she didn’t know what to say of his burst of anger. It was over the top unnecessary, actions more fitting to a child throwing a fit. Then his eyes turned to hers and for a moment she thought she saw shame, but before she could be sure he turned away from her and walked out of the library walking by her in long strides.

.

.

.

They all had dinner together in a table much too big for the five of them, it was a quiet event. If Luke and Ben’s parents had heard about the incident in the library, they spoke nothing about it. She was sure they’ve heard; the servants were already gossiping. The tales spun different versions enemies to lovers to enemies again, all preposterous, the only thing everyone seemed to agree on is that they should stay out of the way of the very violent Lord Organa.

Rey felt somewhat guilty, she had purposely angered him, and even though nothing excused him acting like a child, she knew her words had struck a chord in him.

Since the moment he entered the dining hall he hadn’t looked at her once, pointedly ignoring her gaze and her presence entirely. But even though he acted as if she was not there she could see him being more amiable to his parents. It was a surprise that he stayed to chat with them after dinner and that he even formed a conversation with his father, who was as surprised as she was.

It’s not long before she felt out of place as the conversation shifted to a familiar one, they started reminiscing about old days, even Ben chimed in from time to time and she felt there was nothing for her to add. She grew quiet and simply sat there with her hands folded in her lap smiling, she knows it must look forced on her lips but doubts anyone would notice.

Leia and Han laugh at something that Luke said and when she turned her eyes she found Ben’s gaze on hers for the first time that evening. He seemed to read in her eyes something she does not dare say before, he turned away again.

She turned her gaze to her hands folded on her lap, Leia started to remark again how much she had missed her brother over the years when Ben surprisingly chimed in. “The last time we were here was years ago, it was the first time I met Miss Kenobi, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, you were no more than seventeen, weren’t you Rey?” Rey whipped her head up to look at Luke and nodded mutely.

“Oh yes, you were such a spitfire back then.” Leia turned to her with a smile.

“Still are.” Han added with a laugh.

She turned her gaze to Ben, her gaze murmuring a silent thank you. “You and Ben really did hit it off on the wrong foot.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Rey remarked blushing at the memory, it was indeed a bad start.

“You called me a brat.”

“I was genuinely surprised you were their son and you called me Miss. Baby fat so I think we’re even.” He scoffed at her, but she could see amusement in his eyes.

His parents and Luke laughed collectively at that, but it’s Han who speaks. “Well, I think you’ve outgrown that baby fat, you’ve grown into a beautiful woman, wouldn’t you say so Ben?”

Ben didn’t answer, but he observed her for a moment, it’s almost a silent agreement. But then he rolled his eyes before turning his gaze away, and Rey couldn’t help but glare at him doing her best to resist the unladylike urge to stick out her tongue at him.

.

.

.

She shouldn’t have been surprised that their next meeting would take place in the library again. This time she was arranging some books for Luke along with some she had stashed in her room. So when he enters she was on the ladder reaching to place some books in the tallest shelf of the bookcase. She turned as the door to the library opens to find him walking in, he nodded in her direction before turning to the bookshelf in the opposite wall.

As she finished putting away the small mountain of books she descended the ladder and was surprised to find Ben staring at her. He looked like he wanted to say something. She was about to turn away when he spoke. “I apologize for my actions the previous day, Miss Kenobi.” He told her, shame tainting his tone of voice.

Her expression softened. “I should apologize as well, what I said, it was out of line.” After she spoke there was a moment of silence. “And you may call me Rey.” She added as an afterthought, the formalities between them seemed so silly suddenly.

He stood up from the seat, the wooden chair he had kicked the last time they were there, placed the book on the table and walked over to her. “You don’t need to apologize, you spoke your mind and there’s nothing wrong with that.” His gaze captured hers as he added. “And just so you know, you couldn’t have been more right about me.” His eyes were sad then, she wasn’t sure if he noticed the way his eyes betrayed what his aloof posture tried so hard to hide. He took another step toward her.

It was then that she realized how close they actually were, there was very little space between them, and from the proximity she could actually see that his dark eyes were actually the loveliest shade of brown. Her gaze fell unwillingly to his lips and back to his eyes again. His eyes sent and unspoken message, _I feel it too_ , they inclined their heads ever so slowly coming together just a breath apart. They hesitated then, for a moment too long. There was the sound of a door opening and they jumped apart as if they’d burned.

When she turned to the door she found herself face to face with Han who studied them for a moment before his face settled in a knowing expression, but he didn’t say anything and for that she was grateful. She wouldn’t have known how to explain the circumstances. “I thought I’d find you here, my wife’s looking for you, she’s waiting at the stables.”

Rey nodded, but before she could stop herself she turned to look in Ben’s direction, who stood with his back to her, his hands gripped the table so hard his knuckles turned white. His shoulders were tensed and she could not see his expression from where she stood, she convinced herself it was better that way. She was not sure she’d like to see what his eyes betrayed, be it relief or disappointment at the interruption. She left the library without a word.

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.

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Days passed and it seemed they were both resolved to forget what happened, or more precisely what didn’t happen in the library that day. They didn’t meet outside of the evenings in where they all had dinner and then retired to another room to form idle conversations. They didn’t speak, wouldn’t meet each other’s eyes, and would only sneak glances when the other one wasn’t looking. To anyone none the wiser they were perfectly amiable, acquaintances, but Han who had seen them in the library could see past the pretense.

Han hadn’t said anything to either of them, she knew Ben wouldn’t tolerate his father’s meddling and she wouldn’t even know what to say. What happened in the library… Well, _nothing_ happened, and even if he hadn’t showed up nothing would have happened.

In the following days, she encountered Ben in the hallways of the manor once or twice. Every time they met he seemed as surprised as she was and with no words spoken between them they would only bow slightly in acknowledgment before continuing on their paths. They seemed to have a silent agreement on forgetting the incident altogether.

She wasn’t able to sleep, she had tossed in her bed for hours, she had closed her eyes, and even counted backwards from a hundred. Yet sleep eluded her. As she threw something around her to cover herself she left her room and roamed the Skywalker manor. Her feet led her to a balcony in the side of the manor, its enormous garden could be seen illuminated by the full moon. The air outside was chilly and she wrapped herself more securely within the shawl.

She stood there for only just a few minutes before she heard steps closing in, she turned around thinking it was a servant and instead found herself face to face with Ben. He looked as if he had just gotten out of bed himself, his long nightshirt unevenly tucked inside his pants and his hair wild and unruly.

Her eyes widened as she took him in, she didn’t know what to say. He seemed to be just as surprised.

She was suddenly aware of her state of dress, in only her nightgown and shawl covering her with her hair falling down her shoulders. Rey couldn’t help but blush. The surprise of the moment had seemingly made them forget to keep a prudent distance, because they both took two steps forward and suddenly found themselves as close as they were in the library days before.

She wasn’t sure how long they stood there, staring at each other before he broke the silence. “I couldn’t sleep.” And she couldn’t help but watch as his lips formed every syllable.

“Nor could I.”

He smiled, just a tilt of the lips, and she found herself mirroring his expression almost involuntarily. “The view from up here is beautiful, is it not?” She found herself asking, her gaze once again on his.

“It is.” But he was only looking at her and she had never felt her heart pound so forcefully in her chest. She turned away from him and instead faced the gardens, he stood at her side and they contemplated its beauty in silence until they both turned to leave.

They walked the halls in silence until they paused at their parting point, she opened her mouth to speak but decided against it. After a moment of hesitation, he extended his hand out to her as if asking for hers in return, she indulged him.

He took her hand in his gently, the contact of his skin with hers was like a spark that set her heart aflutter. His hand was big in comparison to hers, but soft and warm. He drew in, ever so slowly to give her the chance to pull away if she so pleased, and kissed her hand letting his lips linger a moment after, before he withdrew completely.

“Goodnight.”

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.

The following days after the incident in the halls she strived to be as occupied as possible. When Luke was in the library she would accompany him and lose herself in the pages of a good book, when he was occupied with Han or Ben she spent her time with Leia either conversing or riding, and when Leia was unavailable she spent time with Han and a sword in hand. After two nights, she had managed to avoid finding herself alone with Ben or in solitude with her thoughts.

She wasn’t sure what frightened her more; the way he looked at her, the strange connection that seemed to pull them towards each other whenever they were too close, or perhaps her own feelings. The way she felt when he was close, the way his touch ignited a spark in her, or the way her heart seemed to want to leap out of her chest.

She couldn’t know and it was safer not to think about.

They were all in the gardens that morning. Leia sat with Luke in a small bench by the bushes while Ben stood beside his mother with his hands at his back. Rey and Han stood in a small clearing as he demonstrated the proper way to handle a sword and she imitated him.

It was both uncomfortable and embarrassing to practice with an audience and she found she couldn’t concentrate well, but Han was patient.

After a while Han spoke to Luke, glancing at him from over his shoulder. “ _You_ should be the one teaching her, you’re much better at this.”

“I still see no reason as to why she should learn to wield a sword.” Rey had to suppress a smile, Luke Skywalker was old-fashioned, and to him swordsmanship was an art unfit for a lady.

“She should learn to defend herself.” Han chided as he once again demonstrated the movement with the sword. “And it’ll help to keep away the scoundrels.”

“Maybe I should have taken up swordsmanship in my youth.” Leia commented a smile on her lips as she shared a look with Han, it was like a private joke she couldn’t quite comprehend.

After that they continued in silence until a servant approached, someone not far behind. “A Mr.Dameron.” The servant bowed before retiring. The guest stepped forward and bowed his head in greeting.

“Lady Organa, Lord Skywalker, Lord Solo.” She saw Han wrinkle his nose at the title. “Lady Kenobi. Lord Organa.” He addressed everyone and Rey had to suppress her laughter at the mouthful of all the names.

It didn’t escape her notice how coldly Ben replied in return without any sort of formality. “Dameron.”

Rey bowed slightly in greeting a smile gracing her features. She was acquainted with Poe Dameron having met them more than once, twice when he visited the Skywalker manor with news from Leia and once from a ball the Organa family had been unable to attend. She had also had the pleasure of sharing a dance with him and some conversation, from what little she knew him she thought him a charming man.

There was a moment of pleasantries exchanged between Luke and his sister with Mr.Dameron before he turned to business. “I’ve come bearing news.” In a moment it was decided they should discuss the matter in Luke’s office, the siblings walked ahead with Mr.Dameron. Han seemed conflicted with whether to follow or stay with Rey but before he could give it much thought his son spoke.

“I’ll keep Miss Kenobi company.” Han turned to her for a moment, and despite not wanting to be alone with his son she nodded.

She watched them walk away before voicing aloud her thoughts. “Shouldn’t you be joining them?”

“Perhaps.” He shrugged. “I should start taking more interest in following my mother’s footsteps, but I would prefer not to be in the same room as Dameron more than necessary.”

“I don’t understand why, he is a very agreeable man.” She saw him scoff at her words.

“Of course you’d say that.” He muttered and she wasn’t sure she heard him correctly. After that they slipped into silence. She walked over to take a seat on the bench where Leia and Luke had been sitting earlier and placed the sword besides her on the ground already sheathed.

She found herself avoiding his gaze, thoughts that she’d been trying to avoid invaded her mind. The memory of what almost happened in the library, of what happened two night ago in the hallway came to mind. She felt her traitorous heart fluttering in her chest at the mere knowledge of being alone with him.

She felt him sit next to her on the bench, she could feel him close, arms almost touching. “Rey.” It had been the first time he’s called her by her name, with no titles. She turned to his voice looking at him expectantly. “I’ve been meaning to say something.” He started, she could see him struggling with both his words and thoughts, a nervousness so unlike him taking over his features.

“Yes?” She prompted.

“I… Well, I…” Words seemed to elude him.

“Yes?” She asked again, inching ever so close. She wasn’t sure what she expected him to say.

“I…think your skills with the sword are benefitting from the constant practice with my father.” He blurted out awkwardly and turned his gaze forward. She wasn’t sure what she expected him to say, but it wasn’t that.

Her eyes turned to the ground as disappointment took over, she couldn’t understand why, but a part of her was hoping for something else. Something that addressed the feelings that plagued her as of late, feelings she didn’t completely comprehend, but he didn’t seem to return.

She could have sworn from the look in his eyes that he felt the pull to her as she did to him.

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.

.

On Luke’s insistence Poe Dameron decided to stay. When the meeting was done, they returned to the gardens to join them finding her and Ben sitting in silence. After the strange disappointment of Ben’s lack of anything she couldn’t bring herself to form any sort of conversation and his mind seemed to be elsewhere. When they announced that Mr.Dameron would be staying Ben quickly excused himself and left.

Rey couldn’t help but watch his back as he walked away, feeling an odd sense of loss. Thankfully, she was soon distracted from her thoughts as Mr.Dameron took the seat beside her that Ben had occupied until just moments ago.

She spent the afternoon in his presence talking and laughing at his odd stories. He was charming and he knew how to keep an enticing conversation, even though from time to time her thoughts strayed in the same direction as the man who had walked away. But he had her undivided attention every time Ben slipped into the conversation.

They’ve known each other since they were kids, once friends, now rivals. From bits and pieces, she gathered that Ben was: competitive, angry, devoted, and solitary. Traits that didn’t surprise her, things she could see in his demeanor if she looked closely enough. She wanted to ask more, but refrained herself, instead she asked more about him.

Ben didn’t join them until dinner was served, he walked into the room his gaze cast downward and his expression closed off. He didn’t once join the conversation during dinner, didn’t once meet her gaze. It was almost like he wasn’t there and Rey was glad for the presence of Mr.Dameron to fill what would have undoubtedly been silence otherwise.

After dinner, they had retired from the dining hall, they all sat in pairs of two in the couches surrounding a small table. Conversation flowed amiably amongst the group, and throughout the evening she learned that Mr.Dameron was not just charming but so alike herself.

Their taste in books and reading material in general matched. He agreed on things she had strong opinions about, and never once looked down on her or made her feel less through the evening. She can plainly see as anyone else in the room that his character is both agreeable and open.

So different in contrast to the man that sat beside him.

Her feelings toward the silent man besides Mr.Dameron had transformed from disappointment to anger. After dinner, she had resolved to ignore him, but despite her efforts she couldn’t be indifferent, not entirely. She was always aware of his closeness, she could feel the intensity of his stare, but not once did she turn to him. She was angry because of her earlier sense of disappointment, because he wouldn’t say that which his gaze betrayed, and most of all because of what he made her feel.

And it was so much more satisfying to be angry than disillusioned.

It wasn’t long before Ben stood up and with a poor excuse he declared his intention to part from the group, this time she didn’t watch him leave, but as she continued her conversation with Mr.Dameron she could feel his gaze on hers before he left the room.

It shouldn’t have surprised her as it did when Mr.Dameron requested a moment with her, alone, everyone else left promptly with a pleased smile and Rey berated herself for not having foreseen her current predicament. To her defense her thoughts had been otherwise too occupied to anticipate the situation.

Once they were alone Mr.Dameron left his seat to take the one beside her, previously occupied by Leia. It wasn’t her first proposal, nor her second, so she had a clear idea of how it went. There was a moment of silence between them as Rey resigned herself to what followed and he collected himself before speaking.

“Miss Kenobi,” He started and she fixed her gaze on the texture of the furniture. “I have not known you long, but in our brief encounters I have found you to be most lovely. Today I was able to confirm that our characters are very much alike and I am sure that a union between us would be most amiable. Thus, before I leave I dare to ask for your hand in marriage.”

Her first reaction, as the first two times such a proposition had been made, was to answer no, plain and without preamble. Yet, the manner of his proposition made the words falter in her lips. His proposal held none of the arrogance and sureness of the previous suitors, and if she was not mistaken he’d asked her first before confining his intentions to Luke. It was something she appreciated, she was after all, her own woman.

Her gaze turned to him then as he looked at her expectantly. She could see the reason behind the union, they were very much alike, but maybe too much. The union would undoubtedly be amiable, but she wanted so much more than that from a marriage. She wanted a partner that was not just a friend, but a lover. She’d read enough romance novels to long for that perfectly unperfect partner whose conflicting character would undoubtedly compliment her own in perfect harmony.

But maybe at the age of twenty-three she should stop entertaining such fantasies.

She couldn’t expect to live with Luke forever, and being the last of the Kenobi she had the duty to preserve her line. As she contemplated earlier, he was a fine man, agreeable and charming, and very much like her. It could in the future grow into love, and if it didn’t surely it wasn’t such a horrible thing to have a friend as your partner in life, even if he could never be anything more.

Two sides of herself seemed to be at war; the reasonable part that told her to settle and the hopeless romantic in her that had forever dreamed of something more.

He seemed to sense her internal conflict and spoke. “You don’t have to answer tonight I leave the morning of the day after tomorrow, you can answer me then.” He smiled over at her reassuringly and his understanding manner didn’t make the situation any easier.

.

.

.

She hadn’t attended breakfast with the rest of the guests, having already eaten earlier in the morning due to her restlessness. She shouldn’t have been surprise when she heard a knock on her door around noon and a very worried Luke on the other side inquiring for her wellbeing.

She urged him to come inside; on another occasion, he would tell her about the imprudence of her receiving him in her room but he was much too worried. “We were all concerned, you decided to skip breakfast.” She explained to him that she had already eaten and afterwards opted to returning to her room, since she had much to think about. “Is this about Mr.Dameron’s proposal?” Upon seeing the surprise on her expression Luke elaborated. “Don’t worry, I don’t think he intended to say anything until receiving your answer, but Leia was very persuasive in her need to know.”

It took Rey a moment to steady herself before she turned to ask Luke, “And what do you think?” Her real question _Should I accept?_ remained unasked, but nether less Luke heard it all the same.

He took a sit in the edge of her bed and smiled warmly at her. “I consider you the daughter I never had, and I want nothing more than your happiness, which is why I can’t tell you whether to accept him. I can only advise you to follow your heart to wherever it leads you.”

It wasn’t the definitive answer she sought from him and she was at a loss, he seemed to sense her need for fatherly advice. “You have to ask yourself if you would ever be happy with such a union?” Conflicting thoughts emerged once again. _Yes. No._ “He is a good man, but is he the right man for _you_?”

If she knew the answer to that question there would be no such predicament, she’d already have her response.

He took her hand in his then and smiled. “I’ll tell you the same thing I once told my sister. My hope for you is that you will one day meet someone who will capture your gaze, who will make your heart speed up, and fill you with uncertainty and excitement in equal measures. Someone you will never want to part from and will never want to part from you.”

Tears welled up in her eyes at his words and she closed the distance between them to embrace him, she felt his arms wrap around her to return the gesture as only a father would.

“Find love, my dear Rey, and settle for nothing less.”

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A while after the conversation with Luke she found herself entering the drawing room and all eyes turned to her. She could see Luke’s satisfied smile, Han and Leia’s friendly and inviting gaze, Mr.Dameron’s expression turn to relief, and of course Ben’s intense gaze on her as if trying to figure her out.

She turned her attention to Mr.Dameron and sat in the seat across from him, he was quick to draw her into the conversation and they chatted pleasantly for a long while. No more than a half hour later Leia declared they still had official business to discuss. Luke invited Ben to join in to which he replied that he wasn’t interested before returning to his reading.

That left her alone in the room with Ben. Considering how every meeting with him ended she knew it was not a good idea to remain in a room alone with him, she had enough confusion without adding their interactions into the mix. She stood to leave and was only able to take a step before he closed his book with a loud thud.

She stopped walking but didn’t turn around to face him, instead she heard him stand and take a few steps toward her before halting only a couple of steps away.

“Should I congratulate you, or is it still too premature?” Of course, he was referring to the proposal, but there was an edge to his voice that served to irritate her.

“You may congratulate me if you wish.” In truth, she still hadn’t decided, but she was curious as to his interest in the matter. There was a moment of silence and since her back was to him she couldn’t see his expression.

He scoffed and there was another long pause before he spoke again. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Excuse me?” She turned around then to find him staring at the ground his hands balled into fists at his sides, his expression hidden from view as his hair covered his face.

“I didn’t expect you of all people to marry without affection.” He turned his gaze back to her and passed a hand through his hair in annoyance.

“And who says there is no affection between us?” The way he spoke the words, with so much conviction made her refute his statement. Her words were empty, of course he was right, there was nothing but an understanding between her and Mr.Dameron and perhaps that’s all there would ever be.

“I do.” He spoke, no hint of doubt in his voice, and he took another step forward.

“Where do you get that idea from?” But he didn’t answer and instead took another step forward, as if to prove a point. Their faces were just inches apart and she couldn’t help it, her gaze fell to his lips as they parted and he drew closer still, just a breath apart. She could feel her heart pounding treacherously in her chest, and she felt both elated and afraid as she thought that this might be it.

But the moment was broken as they both recoiled and he spoke, his gaze capturing hers and she couldn’t look away. “Tell me, why would you marry him when it is so obvious you do not love him?”

 _Love._ Yes, that’s it, and the thought terrified her, because it all seemed so less intimidating when she had no word for what she felt. “Because it’s…” She attempted to answer him but the word stuck at the tip of her tongue, _safe_.

“It is safe, is it not?” She didn’t answer, because he was right. It was safe, and he, he was dangerous. She took a few steps backwards.

“Rey, don’t be afraid.” He pleaded as he held his hand out to her, his eyes imploring her to take it. But she was so, so, so afraid, and she turned around and ran.

.

.

.

The morning when Mr.Dameron was to leave she gave him her answer. Instead of providing him with an elaborate pretext as to how she would never be able to make him happy she was completely honest, and simply told him she couldn’t bring herself to marry a man she did not love.

To her surprise, he smiled at her during their farewell, his eyes lingering with disappointment but his expression free of resentment.

Ben had not been present for Mr.Dameron’s departure and had instead spent the day holed up in the library. She didn’t see him until dinner in where he was quieter than usual, only speaking when spoken to and even then, in monosyllables.

Rey couldn’t look at him, afraid to find his gaze on hers, afraid of what she would see in his eyes. She wasn’t sure what she feared most, anger or pain or maybe calculated indifference toward her.

After they retired to the drawing room, Rey could feel his eyes watching her and it was then that she noticed that she, too, had been quiet all evening. Immersed in her thoughts she hadn’t even been listening to the conversation around her. They were talking about Mr.Dameron when Han commented looking sternly at his son. “It was very unpolite of you not to be there this morning to see him off.”

“Yes.” Ben conceded looking not at all concerned. “I had a… rough night, woke up much later than I had planned. I didn’t even get the chance to congratulate him on his engagement.” She couldn’t help but note the way his expression turned bitter at the end.

“Oh, dear, there is no engagement. Best you overslept and were not there to mention it.” Leia told her son, who looked rather surprised, his mouth hanging open as he turned to look at her a question in his eyes. She turned away, clearly uncomfortable, she didn’t like the turn of the conversation.

“But here between us, Rey, what was his fault?” Han asked her with a wink. If being truthful she would have to say she found no faults in him, he was everything a man should be, she was the one lacking. She lacked the affection and wish to say yes.

“I have been wisely advice to marry for love.” She answered instead and her eyes turned to meet with Ben’s briefly before she turned away and declared, “I am not one to marry without affection.”

Han seemed satisfied with her answer, and soon enough the conversation turned elsewhere. She listened half-heartedly until Luke spoke and captured once again her attention.

“We will be so sorry to see you leave.”

“Leave?” Rey asked, not masking the surprise in her tone.

“Yes, dear, we leave in a week. I’m afraid there are urgent matters I must attend back at home, that was what Mr.Dameron came to inform me off.” She turned back to Luke then with an apologetic smile. “I had wished to remain here longer, dear brother, but duty calls.”

She felt silly then as a strange feeling filled her, it was disappointment mixed with loss. She turned to look at Ben then to find him already looking at her, she could see longing in his dark eyes and she’s sure his expression mirrored her own. It was then that it hit her, she would miss him dearly and saying goodbye would be like saying goodbye forever. She daresay he felt the same. And she couldn’t help but recall Luke’s words to her.

_“Someone you will never want to part from and will never want to part from you.”_

_This is it_ , she thought in acceptance. Once again, she was afraid; not because of the nature of her feelings, but because the finality of the affair was inevitable.

In a week, he would leave and she would watch his back as he left and took her heart along with him.

.

.

.

Rey spent as much time as she could with both Han and Leia during the week, not knowing when she would see them again. Luke spent most of his time with his nephew when he wasn’t set on being alone, it left little opportunity for chance encounters between the two.

With every day that passed, the parting day drew closer, and she was not ready to see them go. It wasn’t just Ben, but his parents as well. The time spent with them, it was like having a family of her own, she would miss Han’s teasing manner and Leia’s motherly care.

And she would miss Ben, dearly.

A part of her was afraid that as he would walk away that day he would leave behind every thought of her as well, afraid that he wasn’t as affected as she was by their time together.

She wanted to go back to that day, at the drawing room, when he offered his hand to her, when he pleaded with her to let go of her fears. If she could have done it all over again, she wouldn’t have run away, but as she well knew ‘what if’s’ were pointless.

The feelings that lay between them remained unspoken as the days passed. Ladylike behavior refrained her from broaching the subject and condemned her to silence; and a man whose feelings had already been rejected once was not keen in bearing his heart to further injury.

Two days before they were to leave she had already resigned herself.

.

.

.

That night, Rey stood in her nightgown with her shawl wrapped around her as she looked out her bedroom window. Came morning, the Organa family were to leave and she could not sleep. She had never been in love before, but as anxiety overtook her, as sadness gripped her heart she couldn’t help but think that she had discovered what heartbreak felt like.

Her arms wrapped around her own frame in an attempt to hold herself together. She stood, her shoulders squared, looking forward her gaze lost and mind adrift.

A knock on her door shook her from her thoughts. Thinking it either Luke or Leia she called for them to enter. The door opened and closed in careful silence and after a moment she turned around.

Her lips parted in surprise, her eyes full with wonder as she admired the man before her. There, in her room, stood Benjamin Organa flustered and disheveled. He wore his nightshirt tucked lazily in his pants and a dark coat that seemed to have been thrown on his person in haste. His hair was a mess, bangs falling over his face, but as he stood there in his wild state she couldn’t help but find him captivating all the more for it.

His lips were parted and his eyes betrayed surprise, probably astonished of his own forwardness. He looked around the room and she almost expected him to turn around and leave, but after a long moment he stood there still, as if rooted to the spot.

There was a long pause before either of them found the courage to speak, just as she was about to inquire after his presence in her chambers, he spoke. The words falling out of his lips swiftly before he could think to take them back.

“I cannot leave come morning, not without telling you what it is I feel. I love you, and I am yours if you’ll have me.” His words took her by surprise and she found she couldn’t speak under the intensity of his gaze. He took her silence as hesitation and his expression dimmed, before he spoke again. “If you do not feel the same, just say the words and I will walk away.”

Despite herself she remained silent, her lips unable to form the words, but her eyes must have expressed what she could not say because his expression turned hopeful. He crossed the room in long strides until he was just a step away from her.

“It is you… it will always be you. Say you’ll have me and end my torment.” He whispered his voice almost pleading.

Her eyes found his as she raised her hand to lay against his cheek, he leaned in against her palm. They must have made quite sight, standing in her room in their night clothes. A moment stolen in the night, illuminated by the moon outside and a single candle in the room, it was unconventional, improper, but only theirs.

And she would not have had it any other way.

“I will.”

They leaned in toward each other slowly, and she no longer felt any fear. Instead she felt a strange sense of coming home as their lips met. Their lips moved slowly, almost tentative, and almost as soon as it started they parted. When Rey opened her eyes there he was, eyes bright and lips stretched in a smile that could light up the darkest room.

“I love you.” She confessed finally, having never admitted it out loud. Ben chuckled in response before leaning in for a quick kiss, just a touch of the lips.

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> A request from tumblr user lady-may-driu.
> 
> It's my first attempt at a VictorianAU, and only my second attempt at Reylo. So I do apologize if I got too out of character at some points or if I got some details wrong about the time period. It was only supposed to be one or two pages long, but somehow it ended up much, much longer.  
> Thank you for the request, you made me discover the appeal of period romances. And the reason this took so long is because of that very same reason; I watched: Jane Eyre, Becoming Jane, Pride and Prejudice (2005) (three times), Death Comes to Pemberly, and read Pride and Prejudice.
> 
> If anyone made it this far, hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading, let me know what you think. :)


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